In 57 Mind-Blowing Reasons Why Some Men Sex You But Don’t Wife You, we’ll take an inside look at possible reasons why some men will happily have sex with you but aren’t willing to wife you.

For some reason, when it comes to relationships, we go into them without knowing the opposing team’s play book.

Think about it. No leader just goes and fights a war without knowing his enemy’s arsenal. No sports team plays another team blindly without studying their game plan, moves, etc. If you are going to take a test, you study.

If you are going for a job interview, you read up as much as possible on the company.

Why is it then, ladies, that when it comes to relationships, sex, dating, marriage, we often times go into them blindly, with our hearts in our hands, handing them to the opposing player?

And what usually happens is we often end up getting played.

Think about it. How many women do you know who have shacked up with a man for years, waiting for him to marry her? Sure, there are a few that eventually pop the question, but usually, he leaves her after shacking up for 10 years. Then he meets a new woman and marries her in 6 months.

Why is that?

I have been blessed to come in contact with a lot of women via church, conferences, social media, my book signings, and my day to day life, and one of the topics that ALWAYS comes up is what to do with the “COOKIE!?”

What? Some women think that because they have been dating a man, living with him, sexing him, swinging off the chandelier, washing, cooking and cleaning for him, that he would marry her, and it is just not happening.

I often tell women that the same way we renew our minds when we come to Christ, renew our speech to speak life and not death, is the same way we need to begin to think differently about men, sex, and the “COOKIE.”

Ladies, a man will sex us for years, but it doesn’t mean that he wants to marry us. Just because he is the only one you are sharing your “cookie” with does not mean he loves you, that he will take you home to meet his momma, or bring you to the 4th of July cook out.

And ladies, if we do not understand this and apply it to our lives, hearts, emotions, and desires, we will be like the children of Israel, going around in circles for 40 years.

So please remember some men will gladly sex us, but that doesn’t mean they want to wife us!!


To help us understand better, I recently completed a small survey of men from various economic, age groups, professions and religious backgrounds.


I asked them why do they believe some men sex some women but don’t marry them?

Many of the reasons, in my opinion, were excuses and shallow. While others were understandable to a degree.  

Regardless, of how shallow some of the reasons and excuses are, I do believe as women we can learn from them.

For example, I heard one story of a young man and woman that were having an argument because she found out he was sleeping with another coworker.

She said to him “you’re so broke that you don’t even have a bed to sleep on and you are sleeping on the floor on a mattress.” He said to her “yea but you slept with me on the same mattress on the floor, so what does that say about you?”

You see ladies, you’re thinking you’re being understanding and romantic by laying on the floor with him, while he may be thinking “what kind of woman lays on the floor with me and give it up?”

Please note: There is nothing wrong with laying on the floor and having a nice candlelight dinner and giving it up to your husband.

I am not naïve enough to think that every woman wants to be married. Neither am I naïve enough to think that every woman who desires to have a relationship wants to be married.

While this blog is targeted for born again believers, I’m thankful that there are many women from various religious background, cultures, and lifestyles – that enjoy reading my writing.

The one thing that we can all agree on is that we’re women and it’s time for us to wise up and take control of our destinies, hopes and dreams.

One of my favorite verses is found in Jeremiah 29:11. It states For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

It’s time for us to stop accepting less than what we deserve and walk in the plans that God has for us.

Therefore, I am entirely aware that there are some women who just want to have sex, and that’s your decision. As not every woman wants to get married.

Also, I know that there are married women who aren’t  happy in the bedroom at home and just want to “get some” from whoever shows a little bit of interest. Then they get up, take a shower, and go home to their husbands.

But I would like to think that most single women desire to meet their “Boaz,” get married and be in a monogamous, committed relationship.

I have always wanted to be married, from the time I was a teen mom. My father in the faith, Bishop Marvin Bradshaw told me, “If you want to be married, you don’t  become a wife when you say ‘I do’, but you’re already a wife.”

“If you want to be married, don’t think of yourself as becoming a wife when you say ‘I do,’ but think of yourself as a wife now.”

It’s important for you to carry yourselves as if you are already someone’s wife.


That means not allowing yourselves to be just sex to any man who has no intention of making you his wife. Not a sex buddy, a baby momma, not friends with benefits, but his wife. This could explain why some men sex you but won’t wife you.

Sistas, you are worth being a good man’s wife.



I remember my dad Pastor Bradshaw would always tell me “You are more than a vessel for a man to release himself in.” My sistas and my darlings, we need to begin to value ourselves more. And guess what? God sees you as more. He sees you as His daughter – a princess who deserves the hand of a Prince.

That’s why the Lord says that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Ghost. In other words, if you have made Jesus Christ the Lord of your life, God has moved in on the inside of you and that is where he lives.

So because God is living in the inside of you, you cannot allow anyone to use and abuse your body and use it for a toilet.

Therefore, it is essential for you to understand why some men sex you but won’t wife you. And if you ‘re a woman that has fallen victim to this trap, I pray that you will gain the strength to put a stop to it.

How Do You Put A Stop To It?

What Do You Want? Men know what they want. Some men know that they’ll have sex with you but won’t wife you ever. Even if they’ve said they would.

So again, the question is, “What do YOU want?”

Know what you want, and stick to it.

If you want to be married, then stick to it. Set your compass and stick to it, if you have the goal of being a wife.That means don’t allow yourself to get off track because he is tall, dark, handsome, and drives a nice car.

If he’s not talking about marriage and or discussing working towards it, why waste your time? You’re worth more.

In addition to that, don’t waste your time with a man who has plainly told you that he doesn’t want to get married, or isn’t ready.

Stop falling victim to men who just want to conquer as many women as possible.

But in order for us to do that, you need to decide and be honest about what you want.

What Do You Want?

  • A one night stand, or do you want a husband for a lifetime?
  • Do you want someone you can grow with, or do you just want a sugar daddy?
  • Do you want to be a sugar baby? Why be a sugar baby when you want to be a wife?
  • Are you happy with being a “baby Momma”?
  • Are you happy shacking up, sexing, cooking, cleaning, washing, comforting him, being his nurse, and helping him to pay bills? Or do you want to have a husband who is a provider?

This is for women who want to be a WIFE.

If you don’t want to be a wife, then you’ll be ok with settling for less

But if you desire to be married, and you’ve been a victim, and continue to be a victim of men who just want to sex you but won’t wife you, allow me to help you today to make a change.

It’s crucial to continually remember that there are some men who will sex you but won’t wife you. Keep that in the forefront of your mind and thoughts.

Please be mindful that it doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s something wrong with you. It could mean that you’re not the right woman for him, or he’s not the right man for you.

But, if you give him the cookies, then he’ll eat them.

You not being the right woman for him, as much as you might love him, want to be with him, and want him to marry you, is actually a good thing.

But understand ladies, that even though he doesn’t want to marry you, he’ll still sleep with you. Why? It empowers him!

So, ladies, it’s time to wise up and stop dishing out the “COOKIES” to men who want to sex you but not wife you!

You don’t  want to be with a man who doesn’t want to be with you. Let him go and allow God to bring the right man into your life.

So ladies, please don’t be offended or defensive, but pay attention and take in some of these reasons and excuses. If you find yourself in any of these, send me a message and let’s talk.

51 Mind-Blowing Reasons Why Some Men Sex You But Won’t Wife You



1) Right/wrong

  • She is the right girl at the wrong time.
  • He’s not financially stable.
  • He hasn’t accomplished the goals he wanted before he gets married.

2) Wrong/Right

  • He’s not ready but she tries to convince him to be ready.
  • She is willing to do anything to make him be ready.
  • A woman can do all of the right things, but if he is not ready, he is just not ready.

3) Planning

  • His planning doesn’t involve the woman he is sleeping with.
  • His choices don’t speak of a man who wants to be married.

4) Easy like Sunday Morning

  • If a man sees a woman as “easy” he doesn’t want to make her his forever woman.
  • Some men view some women as the “around-the-way girl.
  • Some women are known to sleep with everyone.   

5) Faith

  • Not being a woman of faith or being too religious.
  • Too religious? Some women whole life is the church, and she can’t do anything outside of the church?

6) The Momma Factor

  • He can’t carry her home to meet his momma and family because of #4
  • Everyone including her knows that she is crazy. She does crazy things like bust out her ex’s car windows, key their cars, etc?

7) Side Chick

  • Some women were the side chick he cheated with, and men rarely ever elevate the side chick to wifey. He’ll gladly sex her, but won’t wife her.
  • She is one of the several women he’s sleeping with but he’ll gladly sex her but won’t wife her.

 8) What’s Written on your forehead

  • Some women have an invisible sign on their forehead that says “sex me”?
  • If a man looks at a woman and all he wants to do is just “hit it”.

9) Compatibility 

  • Some women are not compatible with who he is.
  • Some women don’t have things in common with him.
  • Some women want to hang out at the club, but he has a black tie mentality.

10) Shacking Up

  • Some women shacked up with men for years.
  • Some women have not let their desires known so he thinks she is ok with shacking up.
  • Some women have his children, wash, cook, clean, sex him, nurse him, without a ring and his name.
  • Therefore, some men feel as if “why should he marry her?”

11) Personality

  • Some women do not have a personality.
  • Some women are introverts while’s he’s an extrovert or vice versa? (However, in many instances, extroverts marry introverts.

12) Temporary

  • He doesn’t see himself with her for a lifetime, but for the moment.
  • Some men view some women as a stepping stool, where he can use her/them to get to where he needs to be in life.
  • He will then use his experience for his lifetime woman.

13) Age Difference

  • Some women are too old or too young.
  • ‘Age is but a number’ is not always true. Think about it, would you marry a man that is 100 years old when you’re 35?

14) Friend

  • Some men view some women as just friends and have placed them in the friend zone.

15) Mentality

  • Some women have a “banging” body but their mentality is that of a “hood rat.”
  • While every man wants a woman with a nice body, he wants her to have a good mentality also.

 16) Already married

  • Some men are already married but are looking for sex ONLY!! Which would explain why some men sex you but won’t wife you.
  • Some men will promise that once he leaves his wife he will marry her but 99.999999% of the time, that’s a lie.
  • Because 10 years later he hasn’t left her and probably won’t.

17) Attitude

  • Some women have a bad attitude for a wife.
  • Sex buddy is less complicated.
  • Some women have the “Independent woman” attitude.
  • Some women have the “don’t need a man” attitude.

18) Traits 

  • Some women do not possess the traits he needs in a wife.
  • They are different for each man

19) Hygiene 

  • Some men think that some women smell and don’t maintain themselves. 
  • Bad teeth, breath
  • Hair is always a mess.
  • Dirty and crushed up clothes

20) Intellect

  • Some men love intellectual women but some women might not be intellectual enough for him.
  • Some women do not intellectually stimulate him.
  • Some women stimulate his pants but not his brain.
  • Some women cannot put 2 words together to make a complete sentence and for an intellectual man, that’s troubling.
  • But he will gladly have sex with her.

21) Kids

  • Some women have too many children. And some men see that as a turn-off and see it as too much responsibility.
  • Some women have small kids and he doesn’t like that.
  • Some men do not want to start over with children.
  •  But some men will gladly sex but won’t wife her.

22) Needy

  • Some men see women as too needy in many areas.
  • Some women are too clingy
  • He can’t hang with his boys without her harassing him.
  • He can’t breathe because she is always on him.

23) Physical 

  • Men are visual and some men are not physically attracted to some women.
    • She might be too skinny but he loves a curvy and voluptuous woman
    • She might be curvy but he prefers smaller women
  • Some men are sexually attracted to some women but there is no chemistry or passion.

24) Gold Digga

  • Some men see some women as gold diggers.
  • Some men think that’s some women are looking for someone to take care of them because they have not become self-sufficient.
  • Some men think that some women want to have kids by rich men so they can get child support.

25) Sugar Daddy

  • Some men think that some women are looking for a sugar daddy.
    • So he can buy her stuff and pay her bills.

26) Self-Sufficient

  • Some men see some women as lazy.
    • Because some women have been on the system for too long and have not become self-sufficient.
    • And are not able to provide for herself.

27) Money

  • Some men see debt as a turn-off and if a woman is in too much debt, he will sex her but not wife her to take on the responsibility of her debts…
  • Some men believe that we all have debts, but we all need to work towards paying those debts off.
  • A Serial shopper is a turn-off
  • A woman that is always broke is unattractive.
  • A woman that drive and wear everything she owns is ghetto.
  • A woman that does not know how to handle money is a risk.
  • Some women spend too much of her man’s money.
  • Some women steal her man’s money.
  • Some women cannot be trusted with $20.
  • Some men want a woman who has money.


28) Deal Breakers

Some women possess too many of his deal breakers such as:

  • Smoking.
  • Too many kids.
  • Drugs.
  • Alcohol.
  • Abusive relationships.
  • Too much baggage.
  • Debt.

29) The “IT” Factor

Even though some women are wonderful, great, a good catch, a good woman, he still might not like “her.” Doesn’t mean anything is wrong with her, it could just be that she’s not his “IT.”  Therefore, some men feel that women who are not his ”it” factor, need to stop trying to make him make her, his “IT!”

  • He is just not into her
  • He wants her body but not her.
  • She’s “ok” but not “great.”
  • She is 70/30 but not 80/20.
  • She doesn’t have the “it/wow” factor.
  • She’s just not his type.
  • She’s a nice girl but….

30) Boring 

  • Some men stated that some women bored them.
  • There is nothing exciting about her.
  • He doesn’t enjoy being around her.
  • She drained him just being in the same space.

31) Faithful

  • Some men think that some women are not faithful. 
  • Men like to feel secure with their women in that he can trust her.
  • Some men believe that some women are not loyal.

32) Role

  • Some men feel as if some women act like their mom.
  • She has fed, clothed, put money in his pocket, and a roof over his head.
  • He knows that she will never respect him because she builds and made him.
  • He’s just there to get what he can get, but will sex her but won’t wife her.

33) Milk

  • Some men feel that why buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?
  • If a woman is willing to give it up without expecting him to put a ring on it, why would he put a ring on it?
  • Some men feel that “Milk” is power and women need to stop giving it away.
  • She tried to sex him and thought that it would change his mind.
  • Some men are turned off by women sleeping with them.

34) Requirement

  • Some women have given up their power or control (sex).
  • Some women have sold out on their desire to be a wife and have accepted being a girlfriend.
  • Some men think that some women act like a “garden tool” but expects to be treated like a wife.

35) Monogamous 

  • Some men stated that some women think that they are in a relationship, and they might, but just not with the men they think they are in relationships with.
  • She knows that he’s sleeping with several other women, but she thinks that her cookies are better than theirs so he will marry her.
  • Some men just want to have sex but won’t wife a woman, ever!

36) Cards 

  • Some men feel as if some women didn’t play their cards right.

37) Sex

  • Some men just love to have sex and if some women are willing to give it up then they will gladly take it. But that does not mean he wants to marry them.

38) Vagina

  • Some men think that Women have a vagina and nothing else matters.

39) Ready 

  • Some men are just not ready to get married.
  • When a man is not ready, there’s nothing a woman can do to make him be ready.

40) Single

  • Some men don’t want to get married, period.

41) Change

  • Some women try to change some men, but they are comfortable being who they are.

42) Hunter

  • Men are hunters by nature.
  • Some women will chase a man down, and that takes away his hunter power.
  • If a man did not chase his woman but she chased him instead, there is no feeling of accomplishment.
  • He is her catch, but she is not his.

43) Male Ego 

  • Some men just want to have a good time with no strings attached.
  • Some men just do not want a commitment.

44) Nagging 

  • Some men think that some women are too nagging and nags about everything.

45) Respect

  • Men must be respected but he knows that she does not respect him.

46) Notches

  • Some men see sex with some women as just another notch on his belt.
  • He’s already moved on to get another notch on that belt.

47) Conquered 

  • Men have a desire to conquer and some just want to conquer as many women in the bedroom as possible.
  • Some men see some women as a challenge. Therefore, he vowed to sex her, conquer her but won’t wife her.

48) Weakness

  • Some men believe that some men prey on weakness in a woman.
  • She has daddy issues.
  • She has low self-esteem.
  • Some women have many vulnerabilities that men can pick up on.

49) So What?

  • Just because some men have sex with some women doesn’t mean they want to marry them.
  • Some women think that their sex will win him over but not because he keeps coming back for more sex, doesn’t mean he wants to marry her.

50) Maturity

  • Some men see some women as not mature enough for him.
  • Some women act like teenagers.
  • Some women are too old to act and behave the way they do.

 51) Oats

  • Some men just want to sow his oats and sees some women as a field to sow his oats in.

52) Dog 

  • Some men admitted that some men are just dogs.
  • Some stated that they are trying to get the dog out.

53) Fantasies

  • Some men just want to see if the women they sex can satisfy their fantasies sexually.
  • Some men view women like they do a car and wants a test drive.

54) Fear

  • Some men confessed that they are just afraid of commitment because they were hurt in the past.

55) Thrill

  • Some men just love the thrill of sex.
  • How do you make him feel while having sex?

56) Package

  • Some men state that many of the women they have sex with are not the complete package.
  • Some women have some things, but not everything he wants. So he will sex her but won’t wife you.
  • Some men wishes they could take 3 to 5 women to make his “package” woman

57) Rib Factor

  • Men are missing their rib and are in search of “her.” If he does not feel as if she is his rib, they will sleep with her, but they will not marry her…

Well, there you have it – 57 Mind-Blowing Reasons Why Some Men Will Sex You But Won’t Wife You. 

Ladies this is an inside look at how some men feel and thinks about us. Ssssoooooo, what are you going to do about this information?


Ladies, many of reasons are excuses some men use to get the cookies but won’t put a ring on it.

You might have asked, “But what does that say about a man who just wants to sex me but won’t wife me?”

Men and women think and value sex differently.

To some men, sex is just sex, physically letting off some steam, having an orgasm. But to women, sex is emotional. Some of us messed up by thinking that because we slept with him then he loves us, but the truth is he doesn’t.

That’s why a man can sleep with you today, and see you tomorrow and act as if he doesn’t know you because it was just physical to him.
Just because he slept with us, doesn’t mean he is trying to wife us.
Therefore, as women, if you want to be a WIFE, then it’s time for you to carry yourself like someone’s wife.
And that will be in part 2 of 57 Mind-Blowing Reasons Why Some Men Sex You But Won’t Wife You, along with answering this post.
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